This Struggle of Mine
a devotional by Jessica Poppie

Pray for God to open your eyes and heart to what He might have for you.

““So are you saying,” he said, “that the more I love God the better person I will become?” My response was, “No, the more we let God love us, the better people we will become.””-Adventure and the Way of Jesus by Greg Robinson, PH.D.

That quote was taken from a book I’ve been reading recently about how to lead others spiritually. I’m only part of a chapter in and already see God working through it.

It’s funny because I feel as though I am the one who should be following – not leading others spiritually.

You see, for about four months now, I have been struggling with what it means to be a Christian.

It’s like my faith has been worn thin; “I feel as though I’m butter spread too thin on a piece of toast.” as Bilbo Baggins would say.

My life seems to have become a bunch of unanswered questions.
It’s scary and uncomfortable, but in an odd way, hopeful.

I’ve questioned everything I believe, and everything I do that pertains to my faith, which ultimately means I’ve questioned my life.

Some of my questions have been:
“Why do I even read my Bible anyway-what’s my heart behind it?”
“Is God even real?”
“Jesus doesn’t seem real, is He?”
“How could Jesus accept me?”
“Why do I do all of this?”
“Why am I even alive?”
“Is there even a point to what I do?”

The struggle is constant, and I just want to plateau in my faith. You know…get to that point where I know what’s going on and live the best life I can, the place where I get a grip.

Although it seems God has different plans; I see that He is letting me go through such a struggle and is bringing me back to what’s real: Himself.

He’s been showing me that it’s not about the good life I could have from seeking and serving Him, but about the love He has given/is giving me. God wants me to seek Him… not such a life.

He would have rather have me realize His love, than live a worthwhile life. He is freeing me from a religious heart.

So why am I telling you all of this? I want to you to see that it’s okay to question, and it’s okay to struggle. In fact, it’s good.

This struggle of mine is a testimony of God’s love and faithfulness toward me even though I still struggle to take hold of that truth.

I want you to see it’s not about what you do; it’s about His love for you. REALLY!

Listen up: IT’S NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU DO, IT’S ABOUT HIS LOVE FOR YOU! I’m saying it again because I realize we are dense and don’t always realize the truth: IT’S NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU DO, IT’S ABOUT HIS LOVE FOR YOU!

You got it? You may ask “How can I just know God’s love?” Look at God’s love for you, search for it. Looking at the verses below will help you begin to see that He loves you. Remember these verses. These words are from God to you:

“But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” –Romans 8: 37-39

“We love because He first loved us.”-1 John 4:19

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”-Romans 8:23

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” – John 15:13

-What do each of those passages say?

-What does that mean for you?

-Does God love you?

Remember Jesus loves you- that’s all you need to do, and know. That’s it. Live it.
Jess Poppie

J Poppie